I wrote about my exciting rock n' roll weekend here.
This is my We Have Brains response, and the topic this week is:
"How much of your feminism flies in the face of your family? Do you find yourself at Thanksgiving dinner muffling your voice in favor of a 'nice' gathering? Or do you snap at your homophobic relative over the gravy? Or do you all forgo the big dinner and volunteer at the local food pantry instead?"
My immediate response is that generally, I'm crazy about my parents, and really proud of them. They both used to be Republicans, but a couple of years ago my mom said, "You know, I grew up in the fifties, and I guess I've always been Republican because I've always just wanted people to be nice to each other. But I don't really think Republicans are all that nice anymore." Then when W. got elected, my dad said, "That's it. I'm a Democrat." I myself am not a Democrat, and I think they often smile a little bit at my crazy leftist ideas (but who doesn't?). Still, they're basically really smart and supportive. I don't think they feel flown-in-the-face-of.
That said, there are some things about my family that bother me. For instance, my mom pretty much does everything around the house--my 23-year-old brother comes home from law school (which they're paying for!) and expects to be waited on hand and foot. Forget putting his dishes back in the dishwasher--he just lets them all pile up in the den, creating his own little cocoon o' filth.
My brother is also a super-conservative. [Aside: I don't know how these things happen. You would never guess that he and I are related--we don't even look alike. I think our parents' divorce--and later remarriage--made him fear change, and that fear eventually translated into a reactionary (if kind of vague) political stance.] One recent Christmas we had the following conversation:
Me: Could you use regular plates instead of paper? We have a dishwasher, so if you'll just throw them in there I'll run it and unload it and everything.
Him: DO YOU HAVE A HIPPIE TREE-HUGGING RESPONSE TO EVERYTHING I DO? WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
The weird thing is, my brother is the sweetest guy in the world. He really is. You'd like him--he's funny and charming. He does a lot of volunteer work with kids, mainly African-American kids (who he loves, and who love him, though I would argue that he has some pretty racist tendencies in other areas) and he really wants to be a high school teacher and coach. He's doing this law school thing more for my parents than for himself. So I guess my point is, conservatives are people too, much as I hate to admit it.
And finally, a confession: I don't make a fuss over Christmas dinner when the extended relatives (some of whom are Limbaugh-worshippers) make racist jokes. I know that this is bad, but I don't have the guts to spoil Christmas over politcs. I rationalize this by telling myself that I'm not going to change their whole system of values over the course of one meal, and I think there's some truth to that. Still, I wonder if I should try? What's more important, family ties or feminism?
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