I think today I�m going to do that We Have Brains thing�the question today is about marriage and whether it�s anti-feminist do it. I guess I should say straight out that I�m going to stray a bit from the WHB assignment, because I�ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately, what with one thing and another. I don�t think its antifeminist to get married. It can be, if you marry some asshole who doesn�t do dishes, but it doesn�t have to be. Always make sure they do dishes. That�s the advice from this old maid.
And now, on to what I want to talk about (which, of course, is mainly me). First of all, here�s some scientific research on weddings, taken from that bastion of 21st century wedding culture, weddingchannel.com, which I like to look at in my ample spare time here at The Office. Take a look, for example, at Exhibit A, noticing especially how this happy couple got engaged. Or how about these guys, especially the sections headed �Reception Menu� and �Special items they hope to receive.� The readings for this wedding, it seems, will come from �a book�! Such a novel idea.
I could point you to millions of other links to the scarier people getting married today, but that�s my obsession and I won�t bore you with it. The point is---well, I�m not really sure but I guess the point is that a lot of stupid people get married every day for really stupid reasons, and what I don�t know is: what is a good reason? I mean, I�ve heard a lot about respect and caring and companionship and all of that sounds great, but it�s about as meaningful to me as your average Hallmark card. What happens in that moment where you just know that this is the person for you? I have no idea. I have a lot of otherwise rational friends who are really eager to get married for the sake of getting married, which to me is like jumping off the 520 bridge for the sake of getting wet.
Am I missing something? Am I hopelessly immature? I have a great boyfriend who provides plenty of companionship, caring, etc. etc., and I don�t want to marry him. I�m not anti-marriage. I just don�t want to pick out china patterns right now.
Marriage used to be something so different, such a short time ago. As recently as a hundred or even 50 years ago (which, historically�not to mention evolutionarily�is the blink of an eye) marriage was basically a working partnership. Life was hard, but it was really hard for folks, especially women since a lot of the world has been pretty patriarchal for a while, to get by without someone else to do half the work. But now you don�t need that. Sure, it would be easier to buy a house if someone were there to make the payments, but you can put it off or get a roommate or whatever. It�s not a life-or-death situation. And because of that, we�or at least, I�expect so much more of marriage than even my parents� generation did. Not only do I want everything they had (a stable relationship, some cute kids, an affectionate spouse), I want this special, magical thing, a perfectly equal partnership, a spiritual communion, a marriage that is more than marriage.
And if I can�t have that, well . . . there are still lots of books I haven�t read.
p.s. Have you seen my latest barely legal crush, Jake Gyllenhaal? I never used to get celebrity crushes, but lately I�m slobbering all over my television. I blame it on being separated from Adam�all I can talk about are attractive celebrities and pornography. Really though, even people who are getting some should see my new boyfriend Jake in Donnie Darko. It�s good. Like a John Hughes movie on a very bad drug.
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