<< Ask me! >>
2002-12-16 - 1:25 p.m.

I just bought this

for my brother on Ebay. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have one. Last year I got him a fly-swatter/clock. I like to be consistent.

If you're stumped for gift ideas for me, I would like one or more of the following items, please:*

1. The Big Boss tied up with a bow on his head and a candy cane up his butt.

2. A stereo system.

3. A little converter thingie that will allow me to use my DVD player with my antique television.

4. A graduate assistantship at UW.

5. Any of the following cds:

Flunk

Japancakes

Sugarman 3 & Co.

Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits

(There are lots more cds that I want; if none of these strike your fancy, just let me know.)

6. This one is the most important:

I want a date for New Year's Eve.

I really, really want one. The last time I had one was, I think, New Year's of 1997. I didn't even like that boyfriend much anymore, but I hung onto him through the holidays. This was a mistake, and so in recent years I usually break up with people just in time for the holidays.

Actually, I was stood up by the same guy for the last three New Year's Eves running (not Adam--we met right after), so that has been my big problem with getting a New Year's date in this particular millenium.

And I always have a really terrible time on New Years. Not like, an ordinary terrible time, but a near-tragic terrible time. Aside from being consistently stood up every year (and TAKING IT like the dumbass I am), I have spent various New Year's Eves:

--trapped at a lake house full of scary rednecks who suggested more than once that I show them my tits

--lost and alone (and depressingly sober) in Times Square

--trapped in Pat O'Brien's in the French Quarter with scary naked people from St. Louis that my friends were for some reason hitting on**

--sitting at home with my mom.

You get the picture. I want a guarantee, in writing, that I will NOT be sitting at home on New Year's Eve with my nose pressed against the rainy windowpane, talking to my cat. So hey, if you're feeling like asking someone out for the big night but don't know where to turn, ask me! I'm pretty much a sure thing.

*To those of you who really know me: Just kidding. Don't buy me anything because I'm making you an ashtray out of toothpicks.

**If you've never been in New Orleans on New Year's Eve, you probaby can't appreciate how bad this is. It's really, really bad.

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