This job is turning my brain to jelly.
I'm afraid that I won't get into UW again. I'm afraid that I will, but that by then I'll be so stupid that I'll just flunk out in the first term.
Two years ago at this time, I was teaching college classes. Can you belive that? Me neither. I was pretty good at it, too.
Nowadays, the most stressful part of my day is trying to calibrate how big my smile should be when people walk past my desk. The system goes a little something like this:
First time they walk through in the morning: Big fat shit-eating smile.
Second time they walk past: Milder smile.
Third time: Glance up, nod.
All further times: Don't bother to look up from what I'm doing.*
My level of job performance is essentially based on how well-judged these smiles are. This is what I do. This is how I earn my living.
I used to be smart.
*Which of course is NOT SHIT.
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