<< Just a mercenary kind of person >>
2003-01-28 - 9:25 a.m.

In this day and age, we have a tendency to commit early and commit often. I think this has something to do with this thing we all learned in therapy about relationships being work. If relationships really are work, then the pay is really horrible, and maybe it's time we all started thinking about the advantages of going on unemployment.

Carina Chocano, a woman after my own heart.

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You know who's really terrible? Him. I saw him on one of those trashy entertainment news shows the other day talking about how, after seeing Zoro, he dumped his wife and started harrassing his future child bride, Catherine Zeta-Jones, whom he had never met.

While this is disgusting in and of itself, what's more disgusting is that he doesn't think it's disgusting at all, but rather a tender love story of stalking and entrapment. Plus he's about 700 years old. Plus--did you GO to the website? Mother Mary on a pogo stick.

Speaking of trashy celebrities (and demi-celebrities), I have two things to say about last night's Joe Millionaire (I know, I know):

1. The subtitles to the trashy make-out session? A real breakthrough for the world of exploitative television.

Mwah. (shhh) Slurp. (shh) Ooooh (shhh)

2. Possibly the greatest reality television quote ever:

If I had all that money, I would go to poor countries and give the children shots and stuff. Because I'm just a mercenary kind of person. Mercenary is just what I am.

Oh curly-haired Melissa, you speak a greater truth than you realize.

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