<< evolution >>
2003-04-18 - 12:01 p.m.

A fellow office worker was just talking to me about Easter and church. Actually, what she said was, "How come you don't go to mass with Lee?" (Thanks, Lee.)

The answer is, because I'm a heathen unbeliever and even if I weren't, I'm lazy and selfish with my Sundays. But lately I have been thinking that, even though I'm not really as ditzy and boy-crazy and generally made out of bubble gum as I appear to be in this journal, my life could use a little spiritual somethin' somethin'.

You know what I hate though? When people take out personal ads which claim that they are "spiritual but not religious." I mean, first of all, what is this supposed to mean? That these people like trees? That they have little shrines to David Hasslehoff surrounded by votive candles in their bedrooms? (Actually, I guess maybe that would count as religion.) I think what we're really meant to understand from this is that these people think Deep Thoughts, but that they think very original deep thoughts, not the same old pedestrian, is-there-a-god-or-isn't-there kinds of thoughts that the rest of us are stuck with. These people are evolved.

Hmm, that came out sounding kind of hostile.

One Easter a few years ago, I dragged my boyfriend at the time to mass. I put on a dress and put him in a suit and everything. I don't remember anything about the church or the service. All I remember now is having lunch with him afterwards, and him saying to me, "What did you expect would happen? Did you think that Catholicism would just magically take you back in and make things better?" [Interesting sidenote: This boyfriend had been an evangelical Christian throughout high school and most of college, and had just recently converted to agnosticism. In hindsight, probably not the best guy for me to date at the time.]

And the thing is, I had kind of thought that Catholicism would just envelope me in a big warm spiritual hug--had hoped it, rather. And I was disappointed that the kneeling and the standing and the singing of the songs did nothing for me, really---not even a warm nostalgic glow, and I am a sucker for some ill-advised nostalgia.

So I'm in my mid- (or late? I think that this next birthday is the official beginning of "late-") twenties, and basically what I have to work with are trees and a glossy 5x7 of David Hasselhoff. Surely I can do better.

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