<< everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey >>
2003-07-10 - 9:46 a.m.

Yesterday after work, Monkey and I went shopping at the scary mall. I ended up buying an insanely expensive bra. Do you men understand how expensive women's underwear is? Do you? As Monkey put it, "I'll tell you what Victoria's secret is. Victoria's secret is that Victoria is a fucking trillionaire." Seriously, I feel that for the money I spent, I should have gotten a magic bra, one that would make all my most cherished hopes and dreams come true. Instead I have a fairly standard, somewhat push-up, won't-show-under-clothes bra. Men's underwear is like, 18 pairs for a dollar. Have I mentioned that women make 76 cents to every male dollar for the same work? Do you want to talk about how much tampons cost?

No? Okay.

I'm wearing the magic bra right now, and I have to admit that it does make my boobs look really big. I swear, I'm like, a B-cup in this thing, at least. You think I'm exagerrating, but it's true.

I'm also wearing a bracelet that I found in the bathroom at the airport. I feel like I should have boiled the bracelet in oil before wearing it, but I didn't. It's a chain of little silver rectangles with vintage-y cowgirl scenes in each rectangle---tres red dirt girl. I think I was destined to have it, and therefore it will not give me a creeping fungus.

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We got our performance reviews yesterday here at WGSB. I did end up having to both read and talk about mine, which pissed me off. However, I think it was worth it for this line in my written review, which I immediately emailed to several people because it really crystallizes my situation here at WGSB:

"[RDG] is very bright and has mastered most of the responsibilities of the position."

I'm a receptionist. Yes. Thank you.

Monkey got a perfect review. She scowls whenever anyone gives her anything to do, and she tells her bosses what idiots they are all the time. The whole office is terrified of her. My advice to you is not to mess with Monkey, as she will fuck your shit right up.

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What a pottymouth I am today. Please excuse.

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