Okay, whew, all the cards are in the mail, even for you foreigners. They are all different, and I tried to include a small secret with every one, to keep it interesting.
I don't have very juicy secrets though, so don't get your hopes up.
Last night I found a note that I passed back and forth in senior year French class with my friends Stephanie and Becky. (Yep. White girls.) There were a million other notes from French class just like this one, but this is the only survivor. I'm mostly typing it in here so that I won't lose it; it's dorky and funny and nostalgic to me, but probably not to you. My feelings won't be hurt if you don't read it.
We're talking about a play in which I for some reason was cast as the Sex Nurse, the object of desire for the main character, who was a quadraplegic. How I was so hopelessly miscast was a mystery to me and everyone else, as you can see from the note.
In case you do plan to keep reading: Mrs. Wallace was the French teacher, Kareth was her horrible whiny daughter (also in our class), and Leigh was another friend of ours who was doing the lighting for the play.
Disclaimer: We weren't very p.c. I'm sorry.
Becky: Opening night!
Stephanie: Are "u" excited?
Me: Yes. I will be VERY nervous. It is exciting though, even though I suck.
Becky: Leigh told me you really sucked.
Me: Yes, I'm afraid it's true. Oh well! I'm really just there to stand around and look pretty! :) (Buy me something . . . )
Stephanie: That must be a stretch for you!
Me: I HATE STEPHANIE.
[Here I also included a small self-portrait with sticky-out hair and a little bubble coming out of it's head that said, "Hi, I'm Carol Brady!" It also had an arrow pointing to it that said "Me," in case there was any confusion. My haircut at the time did make me look an awful lot like Florence Henderson, I'm sorry to say.]
Becky: I hate Stephanie too!
Me: Let's start an IHSC (I Hate Stephanie Club)! I'll be president.
Becky: I'm project coordinator! I plan when we egg her house and spray-paint her car.
Me: COOL. And then we'll spread a rumour that she eats her boogers!
Becky: I declare today "NO PANTIES THURSDAY" for all IHSC members!!
Me: Um . . . okay . . . Stephanie, I think Becky is gay! Let's start an IHBC (I Hate Becky Club)!
Stephanie: Sorry, the cool girls already have one. We can start an IHMWC (I Hate Mrs. Wallace Club) and all collect Petunia Pigs.*
Becky: Stephanie I think Hayden is insecure and has to have a club for an identity. Let's start a "NO DYKES" club and burn crosses in Hayden's yard.**
Me: Yeah whatever Becky you NO PANTIES girl. I guess you couldn't be in your own club, huh? We could start a KIFC (Kareth Is Fat Club).
Stephanie: Maybe we shouldn't start a club at all. Then we would be like those damn XOX people.***
Me: But then we could be COOL. We could be ACCEPTED. I think for Lent I'm giving up French. That or boys . . .
Becky: I renounce PANTIES!
Stephanie: I RENOUNCE MY CHEESY FRIENDS THAT SIT WITH ME IN FRENCH!
Me: WE RENOUNCE YOU BACK!!
. . . And I wonder why my French skills never really took hold.
*Mrs. Wallace looked exactly like Petunia Pig, Porky's girlfriend. It was uncanny.
**I was famously gay at my high school because I had short hair.
***The high school sorority at NHS. I know, gag.
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