<< weddings wedding weddings >>
2003-06-17 - 9:20 a.m.

I was talking to my mom about them on Sunday. She and my father had just been to another wedding of my generation, her friends� children, and she was saying that the whole experience of wedding-going has changed for her. This is partly because couples seem so uprooted now, she told me; they have the ceremonies in random places, they make bizarre, lavish displays, and then so many of the marriages dissolve so quickly. She�s always getting calls from her friends, telling her that their children, who are my age and younger, have divorced. She said that whereas she once saw weddings as the beginning of something lasting and permanent, something that would still be living long after she was dead, now what mainly she sees at weddings is the beginning of a potential divorce. And I said something like, "See, there are worse things than having an unmarried 27-year-old daughter." And she said, "I�ve never complained to you about that!"

She never has.

However, she did not say, "There is nothing wrong with having an unmarried 27-year-old daughter!"

*

Monkey and I were talking about them yesterday with a co-worker, during a lunchtime run to the border. He lives with his girlfriend of five years, and his girlfriend (a very pretty, very nice, and ridiculously successful woman) wants to get married. But our friend keeps putting it off. Every six months or so, he says that he�ll decide for sure in another six months.

He says two things about marriage, one factual and one philosophical. First of all, he says that the number one reason that people decide to get married is that their friends are all getting married, and they feel left behind. And the number one reason they marry the people that they do is proximity. "You get into habits," he says. "It�s just like how they say that accidents are more likely to happen within a mile of the home."

The second thing he says about marriage is that it's basically a matter of the grasshopper vs. the ant. Either you can play around now and face the possibility of being old and alone in the metaphorical winter of your life, or else you can cash in some of that fun for the security of having a pinochle partner later on.

Do people really see it this way? Do the young marrieds really think to themselves, "Well, you�re not that great, but you don�t smell very bad and my best friend just got married so I guess we should tie the old knot"? And are all the single people over 25 really just turning down perfect mates left and right in order to spend a few more years in the sun?

I kind of doubt it.

*

I�ve exchanged a couple of emails over the past few days with Bryan, my divorced high school friend (and future husband, as it turns out). This is what he said about his divorce:

As you may know, I am no longer a member of the married class; being single again is good, but it�s getting time for me to rein myself in a bit. I keep getting the urge to pack my bags and go somewhere more interesting (like Seattle), but I�ve got a pretty good gig here, white-shoe firm, white-picket fence, mortgage (2 actually), dog, etc., and I�m not really in the mood now to reinvent the wheel.

The mutual friend who gave me his email address says that Bryan is sad now because he has the whole domestic set-up in place---white picket fence and all, obviously---but no wife. And he wants kids.

*

I�m flying to Baltimore tomorrow for my friend Claire�s wedding---the wedding that the dress is for. (By the way, the dress fits perfectly and I love it. Good job, dland!) I�m very excited about this trip; I need some time with my college girls, and after this they will all be married and I won�t and things won�t be quite the same. I cried the other day when Claire described the house that she and her husband are buying, so I think it�s a safe bet that I will be blubbering throughout the wedding. I�m so happy for her.

**

**

I think I know who�s reading my diary at work, and I think it�s okay. I do find it funny that the person is being all sneaky about it, though. I wonder if there are rumors floating around the office that I am an even bigger dork than immediately meets the eye.



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