Do you have one of those people in your life who you really like, but they always seem to be around when you are doing something extremely embarrassing?* Mine is a guy named Brett. Brett and Danny (DK)** were seniors at my college when I was a freshman. Brett is extremely kind and self-deprecating. He is also tall, thin, and English, and I developed a big crush on him circa 1994, which turned out to be Embarrassing Thing Number One, because as we found out in later years, Brett is gay.
After college, Brett moved to Seattle, and Danny followed a year or two later. (Not that he followed Brett in particular, you know. We are not crazy stalkers.) I eventually moved to Eugene, Oregon, and I came up to visit them a couple of times (well, really Danny, but Brett came out with us too). We all had a fantastic time. Or so I thought.
But ever since I moved here�and long before, according to Danny�Brett has not returned our calls. Whether he wants to shake off all connections with Tennessee, doesn�t think we�ll accept his new lifestyle (ridiculous), or hates us personally,*** remains a mystery. I had completely forgotten that he lives only about four blocks away from me on Capitol Hill until one night a month or two ago, when I was doing a bit of shopping at the Safeway. I was busily counting out pennies for my cat food and frozen pizza in the manner of a miserly old lady, and had finally squared away the correct amount of change, removed all pocket lint, and handed it over, when guy standing in line behind me�who I hadn�t noticed until then�said my name in an eerily familiar British accent.
Yep. Brett.
After blushing and stammering and trying to conclude my lengthy grocery transaction as quickly as possible, I told him to call us. He never did.
Danny wanted me to call Brett and invite him to the barbeque that he (Danny) is having this weekend, which is sort of a birthday party for his roommate and me, but is really just an excuse to make innocent soyburgers suffer painful deaths. I didn�t call him. But guess who I ran into again at the Safeway this week, when I was dressed pretty much in pajamas and stressed out and generally looking and feeling like hell?
Yep. Brett. I�m pretty sure I called him "Brent."
After I invited him to the barbeque, he got kind of a desperate, hunted look in his eye.
"You�re probably going to be out of town?" I said.
"No, I�ll be here," he said with a small, resigned sigh. It was pretty clear that he wanted to make up an excuse, but that he is not quite the kind of person who can lie to people to their faces. "Can we bring other people?"
"Yes, bring whoever you want."
"Right. Okay. Well. I guess I�ll see you there then."
And then he made his escape.
*Okay, pretty much everyone in my life is like this. But I�m talking about this one guy in particular.
**Now that I have this anti-google filter I am naming names like crazy. Watch out.
***I find this option hard to believe. He might hate me, but everybody likes Danny. It's state law in 37 of the 48 contiguous states.
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