I am Freaking Out. Hard core. I am having seriously crazy conversations in my head. They go like this:
Me: God, maybe I should just go back to English graduate school. I was good at it, and I loved teaching. I don't even get along that well with computers, what makes me think I'd be such a great librarian? Won't I be bored if I'm not maniacally deconstructing take-out menus?
Me2: Shut up, retard. You weren't that crazy about Eng. grad school when you were there. It was depressing and boring a lot of the time, and you weren't doing a better job with your students than any one of the other 12 million people qualified to teach freshman comp could have done it. Besides, have you forgotten that there are NO JOBS for English professors? NO JOBS. Except for maybe one at a community college in rural North Dakota.
Me: Oh, yeah.
Me2: Besides, you'd sure feel stupid going back to Eng. grad school after you told them all about library school already.
Me: But I'm going to go into so much debt with this library school thing!
Me2: Yeah, you're dumb, you should have done a better job of getting funding.
Me: Yeah. Okay then, maybe I should just go home and hide under the covers.
Me2: Good idea.
See? I've lost my mind. On top of these existential career dilemmas, I feel like I'm abandoning Adam. Last night he said, "You know, I really want us to enjoy these last couple of weeks that you'll be here. I know we'll have the road trip together, and maybe I can visit you while you're at your parents' house, but this is the end of our relationship . . . in New Orleans."
My heart kind of froze during that ellipsis.
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