I love New Year's resolutions. I mean basically, the whole Western concept of chopping up time into little segments is terrible, but it does have the advantage of allowing us to believe that it is possible to start ALL OVER, just because of one little tick on the clock. I like that.
But I'm not very good at New Year's resolutions. I tend to use the resolution thing to try to completely overhaul myself, and it never works. Past failed resolutions include:
1. Stop using teenage vocabulary words such as "rad," "awesome," "totally cool," etc. Instead, inspire awe and respect from those around me by using dignified phrases such as, "I very much approve of that. Indeed, it is highly commendable."
2. Be more ladylike.
We all know that by this I do not mean, "Bake cookies while wearing high heels, and find a man to make all decisions for me." Instead, I mean cutting out many, many bad habits, some of which I have written about here, such as:
a. Cursing like a sailor when in neither pain nor danger.
b. Picking at undergarments.
c. Nail-biting.
d. Blabbering on about myself.
e. Sitting with one or more legs tucked under me.
You get the picture, and it's not pretty.
3. Remember: It's not all about me. Think of others before self.
4. Exercise.
5. Write more letters.
And on and on. They're all kind of related, I guess--at least the first three.*
Once, when I first started dating a guy, I saw a To Do list lying on his coffee table, so (naturally) I picked it up and read it. Most of the items were pretty ordinary ("Finish Shakespeare reading, Go to grocery," etc.), but #4 was "Wipe counters." I asked him if this reminder was really necessary, and if otherwise the counters would become covered in every kind of sludge imaginable and he just wouldn't know what to do about it.
He said that he just liked to put an easy one on the To Do list so that he could feel good about Team David.**
So I'm thinking that maybe this year, I should try some more manageable resolutions so that I can feel good about Team Red Dirt Girl. Since I can't seem to make much headway on the big huge overhauls, maybe I should just stick to something small, like no nail-biting. Or, more penny-pinching.
But that's not very inspiring, and I need so much improving. Maybe my resolution will be to call people and ask them to do things with me, instead of being a hermit until someone more or less drags me out of the house. If you think I have a flaw that needs serious changing, I will take it under consideration (as long as it isn't "learn to love the Dubya!" or something stupid like that). I'll try to come up with a revised list later today.
*Small self-congratulation: I did keep one major resolution made in the 1999/2000 New Year, which was to be a non-smoker this millenium. I have smoked a cigarette from time to time (not lately), but I really did quit. Thank you.
**Not his real name. I don't know why he's all special and gets a pseudonym.
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