It�s not cancer. The doctor called me lateish last night and gave me the results, and then I took my first deep breath in weeks. I was even more relieved than I thought I would be.
The doctor had told me to email him yesterday so that he could email me back with the results, so I emailed him bright and early and then spent the rest of the day refreshing my email every 15 seconds or so. Finally, late in the day, I paged him, which I felt kind of bad about�busy doctor, many patients, etc. etc. But it�s hard not knowing the exact contents of your left breast, and this has been going on for a while now, so I commenced the stalking. The doctor was very understanding about it when he called me back, and plus, he is from South Africa, so he gave me my results in his charming accent. He is not happy about the way the tumor is growing, and wants it out of there, but he anticipates that no further treatment will be necessary. So, I get to keep my hair! Cheers to that!
When I had the biopsy done last week, he and the MA kept calling me by my first name. They use your name a lot, to make you feel comfortable I guess. I have always gone by my middle name, and I don�t really respond to my first name, so it wasn�t making me all that comfortable. I had let this go at my first appointment, because why correct people you�re never going to see again? And then, after the next few appointments and rounds of tests, I felt like I had let it go on too long to correct them. But during the biopsy, when I was lying half-naked on a table (this was after the needle biopsy, and in between the four biopsies they did with the thing that makes a noise like a staple gun and which eventually left a bruise on my chest the size of Texas) I said, �I realize it�s a little late in the game for this, but could you call me Hayden? Every time you call me by my first name I feel like this is happening to somebody else.� And he did, and I appreciated it.
Last night we celebrated by going to see The Polyphonic Spree. Well, we were going to see them anyway, but it was more fun to see them absolutely cancer-free. Danny said, �I�m really proud of you for not getting cancer.� I said, �I�d just like to thank the fans. And Jesus�I�d like to thank Jesus for not giving me cancer. I knew all those years of Catholic school must have been good for something.�
Seriously, though, thanks to everyone who�s been so kind about this. I have great friends, near and far. I really was scared, and I�ve been doing a lot of thinking. I won�t bore you with my philosophical musings, but I hope this experience will make me better.
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