<< Film and Television Reviews >>
2004-04-30 - 9:48 a.m.

by rdg

1. Love, Actually

I missed this in the theatre because all of my friends are too cool to pay full ticket price for seasonal British romantic comedies, but I rented it the first day it came out on dvd. Normally I too am opposed to movies that say �heartwarming� or �the feel-good movie of the year� on the box, and this one had both. But sadly, my love for Colin Firth knows no shame.

A couple of things. First, the film expects you to suspend your disbelief to the point of accepting the idea that any woman would cheat on Colin Firth with his squirrelly-looking younger brother, which is a stretch to say the least. But everything works out for Colin in the end�he meets a nice foreign cleaning girl, they learn each other�s languages within the span of a single week, and they live happily ever after. Squirrel Man is never heard from again.

Second, can you imagine living in a world where someone as sexy as Hugh Grant was the Prime Minister of England? No, you cannot imagine it.

2. Queer as Folk

Now, I�m not gay. But the last memo I got was that the gay people were in favor of people NOT thinking that all the gays ever think about is sex. Well, that�s gay men�all the gay ladies ever think about, it seems, is committing and having babies! Because men and women are different, you see!

So yeah, if you�re really into gay porn but are too embarrassed to check out the hardcore stuff from your local neighborhood video store, this show is a godsend. Congratulations!

3. Dirty Pretty Things

Audrey Tautou is incredibly attractive but this film was actually kind of boring. I was really hoping that another human heart would turn up in the toilet, or something�anything. I only made it through about the first half.

4. The Bachelor (?)

I caught a few minutes of what I think was probably the latest Bachelor the other night, although really, who can fucking tell? If I hear one more plasticene reality love show contestant say, �I really appreciate that you were willing to show more of yourself to me tonight,� I will eat my left elbow.

5. Survivor All-Star

And the moral of this show is, WAKE THE FUCK UP, PEOPLE! There is only so much room on Boston Rob�s coattails, and Amber�s big blue eyes are pretty much taking it all up. Get a freaking plan, ya morons.

And, added at the request of Mrs-Roboto and Libboy, a review of

6. Aqua Teen Hunger Force

I'm not really sure what to say about this show, except that I love it and that "My name is SHAKE-ZULA! THE MIC-RULAH! THE OLD-SCHOOLAH!" etc.

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