<< wouldn't it be nice (as Brian Wilson would say) >>
2006-01-07 - 3:53 p.m.

God, some people are just so horrible I could kick them in the teeth.

Me: Thank you for waiting. What can I do for you?

Horrible Woman: It's about time. I need this book [shoving a paperback edition of The Hobbit at me] on tape, and I need it today.

[We don't have it on the shelf, of course. I offer to order it for her.]

Horrible Woman: Well, that won't really help. I need the first two chapters summarized for me, pronto. I'm supposed to have them read by next week.

Me [internally]: Why don't you try opening that book?

Me [externally]: Okay, why don't we see if we can find a study guide for you. Do you think that would help?

[She assents. I find some Hobbit cheat sheets.]

Me: See, this is a pretty good one. It has summaries of all the chapters, plus some background information, and you can click on "Tolkien" right here and read about him.

Her: What are you talking about? What is "Tolkien"? I said I wanted THE HOBBIT!!! Why aren't you listening?

[We go on like this for a while. It's lovely. She makes a few choice remarks about my appearance. I ask if there is some problem, and she hints darkly that it would be better for both of us if we just didn't talk about the horrible injustice I have propigated against her.]

Me: Is there anything else I can do for you?

Horrible Woman: Well, you can start by getting me the damn book on tape like I asked you to. It would be nice if you listened to anything I said.

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